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The guy who says "Wee!"

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(no subject) [Jul. 9th, 2009|11:11 pm]
Last night I dreamed of the most disgusting club ever. Just to illustrate, the urinals could be confused with a dirty alleyway by the club's parking garage.
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Oopsies [Jul. 8th, 2009|01:45 am]
i dreamed when i came back to school, we had five more kids in the class, and none were potty trained.
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Prophetic? [Jul. 2nd, 2009|04:48 pm]
I dreamed a ginger kid took up all my time at school.
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Two things [Jun. 30th, 2009|03:57 pm]
It is amazing how quickly things can change.

EVERYONE WATCH <a=href"http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ogbll8k13oc">THIS</a>
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Jurrasic Park without the dinosaurs, and then I make my own LOTR. [Jun. 20th, 2009|11:33 am]
This time my dream began on the top of a storage shed whose top was like a very strong tent material. As I lay atop the structure, I watch as at least fifteen lions of various sizes- some appearing to be almost twice normal size, rip and tear and leap out of their small enclosures and begin running across a field. A group of people emerge from the woods, some firing rifles, and announce that this is a wildlife preserve that has basically gone amuck. Although I feel safe on my shed, after another attack by the lions, I head into this train with other visitors who had been attacked. Some are dying, others merely injured due to the rampaging animals. At one point we have to leap on our seats to avoid the animals being brought through. I assist with triage for some time, then, when a red alert sounds on the train, we all have to back up as a 30-something foot python is brought through our car. She is followed by rats the size of border collies, and they are followed by small lizards. These lizards swarm over my hands and arms, biting me and refusing to release. When i kill them to get them to let me go, they release a white foam that hurts my hand more than the actual bite. After some time I get rid of all of them, and our train passes by a few platforms of refuge survivors looking for a lift back to the front. Once at the front I reveal my severely tortured hands and forearms- it looks like I have the worst case of poison sumac ever.

Somehow, when I am at the village outside of the refuge, things appear more magical. I will be forced into slave labor, apparently, though a dwarf (of the magical and not simply just short kind) offers me a chance to escape. Hours later, I race through the village and surrounding red-earth countryside, being chased by rats that are slim, but as tall as rhinos. Coming to a ledge blocked off by razor wire, I climb over the wire and down into a canyon, where I am met by the dwarf leader and some of his warriors, including his daughter, the princess. All are wearing garb most closely resembling LOTR, and all have capes. They cannot move their mouths, but somehow, they speak when they tilt their head up. I learn that they are going to be attacked by the village of normal-sized people, and I pick up a small staff they offer me. We stand guard in front of an entrance that is approximately three and a half feet tall, while hearing screams from the dwarves at other entrances that are already being slaughtered.

Finally, these brave souls realize we have no chance, and we all rush into the dwarf village, carved into the rock face. The inside certainly does not match the outside, with rich, green wallpaper and dark wood paneling and a chair rail in the halls. As we enter I see various offices just inside- this may be a customs area or directory office. The door abruptly bursts open, and villagers appear. The leader moves us forward quickly and we come across a door in the hall that he shuts closed and locks, temporarily blocking the humans. We continue only a few steps before there is a second door, which the leader shuts, putting himself in between the door and the humans. Though his warriors and I are sad, we must continue on. After shutting similar doors in quick succession (they are only a few feet apart from one another), we begin racing through the labyrinth of halls within the dwarf enclosure. At various points we run into different offices or groups, urging them to follow us. We pass by a large press room, where frantic dwarves are on 1940s-style phones and typewriters, calling in or chronicling the story of their own demise. We make it to a dwarf train station and, upon destroying the signs explaining what train goes to what town, make our escape from the doomed dwarf village.
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Why are my dreams like a cross between Twilight, Fern Gully, and a Discovery Channel Special? [Jun. 20th, 2009|05:16 am]
Last night I had a dream about vampires in a crowded, rural fishing village in China. By the end of the dream it was revealed that the ancient ring box I was trying to protect could have been given to the fishermen I met at the beginning and throughout my dream, therefore reducing my time being chased by vampires who are okay in shade considerably. As the fishermen boated to safety with the box, they passed by a dock and the last man slipped his fingers in the water and flipped over a water beetle, revealing the word "Stop" stamped on the beetle's underside. Apparently the dream had an ecological, anti-ethnocentric bent, and there was a voice-over that confirmed it.
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Guided dreams [Jun. 12th, 2009|03:38 pm]
So I had a repeat dream last night. I was in a bank or office building, and a large horde of zombies were entering the lobby portion. There were survivors stationed behind a three quarter wall, one quarter of which was plexiglass. I could levitate up to the ceiling, high enough to avoid most of their hands. There were, however, a few survivors on the second level- reachable by levitating me through an atrium that went from the first to second story- that were so tall that, zombiefied, I would be grabbed by. I watched helplessly as more of the survivors on the main level tried to run, made it to about the atrium, and were taken down and zombie'd. I woke up at that point, realized I had about 40 minutes left before I had to get up, splashed water on my face, and made a resolution. I was going to change my dreams. My day was horrific yesterday, I felt helpless, and my dreams reflected that. Today did not have to go so badly, though, and I was going to start with my dreams.

When I fell asleep again- and quite quickly, too, I was able to guide myself towards being more effective and proactive. The survivors all made it to the second level and barricaded the doors. A Molotov Cocktail was constructed and tossed into the zombie horde below, and the atrium was closed up, sealing the second floor off from the smoke caused by burning zombie flesh. We were going to make it to the roof, and did, and when my dream ended we were seeing helicopters lift other survivors off of rooftops.


Then I dreamt a former female student, nicknamed "The Gooch," bit my arm and no one would help me get her off. There goes that whole 'guided' theory...
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Futuristic Dystopia. [Jun. 8th, 2009|06:29 pm]
futuristic dystopia

John Goodman is my dad. He's searching for lodging for us in this broken down, authoritarian-run citystate.

In a restaurant, hipster couple gauges in ear guy that turns out to be a girl. a redheaded butch lesbian, the gauge-girl's girlfriend, lets us know what to do for money.
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It is ridiculous [May. 31st, 2009|11:35 am]
Last time I went to Woodies, I was accosted three times by a guy Jake dubbed "Pillsbury Dough Boy," who also had hair like it came from the doll parts isle of a craft store.

This time it was a guy in his thirties who 1. did not age well, and 2. did not start out all that good to begin with.

I came home last night in a huff, telling my roommates, "I'm tired of ugly guys! Why won't someone I find attractive find me attractive as well?"

This morning I looked on okcupid, and who messaged me? A guy who's name is 4SexOnly. This is our conversation:

4SexOnly- fuck me. if you'd like to.
Me- Never. And this is ridiculous.
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(no subject) [May. 31st, 2009|02:46 am]
Could Someone I Find Attractive Please Find Me Attractive? Not Even To Date- Just- Enough To Dance With Me? For Goodness Sakes.
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Pull over that a** too fat [May. 23rd, 2009|02:01 pm]
The best part about watching baseball would be the baseball player's bums. MMmmmm.
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I'm in love with this jar of peanut butter! [May. 15th, 2009|10:39 pm]
Donald Glover, I'll make a man out of you
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My sister ftw [May. 10th, 2009|10:32 pm]
My Dad: What is a skort?
My Sister: A skort is- its a skirt in the front, and shorts in the back. Its a mullet for your legs.
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Paul Ballard running, and November flapping her arms and floating away from danger [May. 2nd, 2009|07:02 am]
I had such a vivid, detailed, repetitive dream about Dollhouse last night. By the way, the show is amazing, and you really should be watching. I wish it wasn't just half a season of episodes.
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Sleepy time [Apr. 25th, 2009|06:33 am]
I went to bed around 5:45 last night. I woke up at 6:30 this morning. And I had a message from a 19 year old on okcupid whose name is chelseaboy. Fuck my life.
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(no subject) [Apr. 18th, 2009|02:58 pm]
My tongue was so blue and my cheeks were so red last night.
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its long and strange [Apr. 14th, 2009|11:27 pm]
I take a Okcupid Quiz and I learn that my lovemaking style is Microwaving Frozen Dinners, and then I have this conversation with a 21 year old.


[10:59:40]21 year old: Hi

Me: Hello

blablabla chat about where we live

[11:02: 2] 21: You have a really nice smile

[11:02:50 pm]me:i think philly is great because it is willing to be honest about its faults

[11:02:55 pm]me:why thank you

21:it doesn't have too many faults. Chicago and Detroit and the entire state of Cali have faults

[11:03:22 pm]me:um...the hand you are holding against your face appears healthy and clean

[11:03:44 pm]me:i'm sorry, i haven't seen your profile

21: "The hand you are holding against your face appears healthy and clean" What does this mean?

[11:04:20 pm]me:i was trying to compliment given the limited information i have about you

21:what are your interests?

[11:09:19 pm]me:i enjoy knitting using wool from my parents' alpaca farm in Lancaster

21:Cool

21:I'm into photography and music

blabalbla

21: what are you looking for?

[11:14:28 pm]me:like, besides the eye of odin?
21:ovomac:yes

21: besides the eye of odin

21:i like your sense of humor. it's a lot like mine. misunderstood

[11:15:15 pm]me:someone kind, humorous, honest

[11:15:24 pm]me:who gets my humor

21: same as what i'm looking for

[11:15:35 pm]me:who is an adult who doesn't do drugs

[11:16:06 pm]me:and is looking to start the process of making a family (having kids) within 2 years

[11:16:38 pm]me:and has a job, because kids cost money, which unfortunately does not grow on trees

[11:16:55 pm]me:except that one time, but it did not end well for that tree

[11:17:05 pm]me:or the chipmunk inhabiting it

[11:17:11 pm]me:what about yourself, sir?

21:Awww

21:I'm looking for the exact same thing

[11:20:09 pm]me:i'm glad you already figured it out, 21

21: most people haven't

21: and don't

21: they just want sex

[11:21:17 pm]me:or cheese

[11:21:23 pm]me:lots of people like cheese

21::you happy you met someone like you who is ready for a relationship like you do?

[11:25:53 pm]me: 21?

21: yes?

[11:26:03 pm]me:Fer real?

21: mm hmm

[11:26:14 pm]me:Are you out?

21: yep

[11:26:38 pm]me:Have you been in relationships with guys before?

21: yep, but not this serious

21: i'm really careful

21: who i have relationships with

21: i only had 2 other boyfriends

[11:27:17 pm]me: 21, in the statement "yep, but not this serious"

[11:27:22 pm]me:what does "this" refer to

21::meaning actually spending time together

21: hmm, i'd like to meet you

21:you seem like a really sweet guy

[11:31:12 pm]me:i'm going to be honest with you

[11:31:22 pm]me:I would want to meet you to be friends with you

[11:31:25 pm]me:not to date you

[11:31:49 pm]me:mostly because you're a fetus

21: :huh?

[11:32:07 pm]me:you're really young, dude

21: i'm 22 in a month

21:so i'm 3 yers younger than you

21: my best friend is 6 years apart from his boyfriend

[11:33:15 pm]me:well give your best friend a hearty congrats from me

21::heh

21: 20 and 26

21:i'm far from a fetus. i was at the age of 0, but not now, lol

[11:35:40 pm]me:and that's fantastic

[11:35:50 pm]me:i'm glad the placenta is no longer surrounding you

21:heh

21: you're likely not gonna find another guy who wants the same things you and i both do

[11:36:16 pm]me:and that's ok, for now. I just want to date someone who isn't an undergrad

[11:36:23 pm]me:and who can rent a car

21: rent a car?

21: where did that come from?

[11:36:43 pm]me:you have to be 25 to rent a car

21:Thomas, let me explain something to you

[11:37:25 pm]me:ok, 21

21: You really need to lift a few of the restrictions you have in place. You will find that people will want to hang around you more

[11:38:01 pm]me:I am totally ok with hanging out with people of all different ages

[11:38:14 pm]me:just dating, I feel the need to be more selective

[11:38:23 pm]me:which is, i feel, a natural thing to do

21: :The ones you speak of don't make any sense at all. Renting a car and being an undergrad is totally out of left field and has no effect on a relationship at all

21:ok

[11:39:04 pm]me:the renting a car is a joke

[11:39:21 pm]me:basically in order to reiterate my selectivity in age

21: well, let me inform you that about 90 percent of the gay population just wants sex. So you got ten percent left who possibly want a relationship, but don't know what they want, which is about 5 of that 10

21::you're being really too selective.

21: give people a chance dude

[11:40:37 pm]me:So, you think I should date you because you're statistically a more probable match than the usual gay man?

[11:40:47 pm]me:how 21 of you.

21: i never asked you to date me

[11:41:18 pm]me:say what?

[11:41:29 pm]me:what were you asking?

[11:41:43 pm]me:I already have a partner for The Amazing Race.

21:i am implying i am a better match and i know i am because most of them are not datable anyways

21: and you want a relationship

21:i want one too

21:ugh, nevermind. I have work tomorrow and I'm going into the city later

[11:42:22 pm]me:Enjoy your time.

[11:42:31 pm]me:this was amusing
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Pig syphilis [Apr. 13th, 2009|07:44 pm]
If I had a Twitter I would have twittered about hearing the bed hitting the wall upstairs while I was making eggs downstairs; but I don't have a Twitter so instead I'm writing it here. Also, if anyone recalls the Family Guy episode where Peter eats a bunch of nickels, it was exactly like the bedroom scene there.
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Its a bird, its a plane, its a dream [Apr. 13th, 2009|11:46 am]
Two Dreams:

1: Catwoman assembles all Catwomen from every possible time and dimension to fight some sort of inter-universe threat. They assemble in some run-down apartment, for some reason, whose bathroom makes me want to gag. I mostly follow two bumbling dudes who are there to help Catwoman, by unleashing this inter-universe threat. Apparently, throughout the city, there is a virus or gas that is making all the citizens go insane- not really violently insane, just annoyingly dim-witted and non-logical thinking. At some point the dumber of the two men decides to employ animals from a pet store to sniff out where they are supposed to generate this inter-dimensional rift.
It must be close to the Catwomen, 1) because they've assembled on either side of the hallway of the crappy apartment, so they must be expecting it there, and 2) the smarter of the dumb guys is suddenly in another shabby apartment with an old man carrying something that looks like an old-fashioned tube vacuum. He tells the smarter dumb guy to hide in the closet and just not move, because the bad guys after them both won't notice him in all the commotion if he remains still in the closet, even though the door is halfway open. The machine starts whirring to life, and the dream ends.

2: A female superhero/sometime supervillain is trying to kidnap her son back from a school he is staying at. A superhero who is currently in plainclothes continually tries to thwart her. This goatee-sporting man states that since she is a raging alcoholic, her four-year-old son should stay somewhere stable and safe until she is. Nevertheless, the superheroine, in costume, continually grabs her child and tries to run out of the building, using her power of mirage to make people think she is a fellow employee holding a baby. At one point she attempts to get out to her vehicle through a patio, but the boss of the building, who looks and sounds too much like one of the bosses of my job, is going out onto the patio to change his shirt. She engages in small talk and then tries to run through the building and exit through the front. The goatee man catches up to her and walks arm in arm with her through the front courtyard. There they pass by groups of young people, including a student of mine. A coworker of mine in the real world declares, "That's my boy," and the student reciprocates the sentiment- even though in real life they are most certainly not so close. In the end, the superheroine gives the child back to the goatee man. She is dejected, especially after her declaration of being sober at that moment gains her no points.
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(no subject) [Apr. 12th, 2009|12:05 pm]
My dream was about taking my sister and cousins to college.
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